Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My Dream House

I'm a serial stalker....of interior decorating blogs. I look at them for hours on end before I remember I have homework due before midnight. I normally have to turn the computer off while studying otherwise they suck me back in! =) Right now we live in a depressing little apartment so I find myself dreaming of houses everyday. A house with tons of windows that let in the light. I want to open a window and watch my curtains blow in the breeze. I can't wait to live in a house with no carpet! I can't wait to live in a house. Period! I've collected TONS of pictures over the years. (I never thought I'd be sharing them so I didn't keep track of where I found them. If you recognize one let me know so I can give it credit!)  Anyway...welcome to my dream house. *Sigh*

How gorgeous is this? Of course this is from the Hamptons...

A bright and airy kitchen with a big island. I want a big farm table the family can gather around to eat dinner, do homework, decorate Christmas cookes, and play games....

A comfy living room with built in bookshelves

A cozy bedroom

A tub I can spend hours in. Ahhh...

A comfy guest room

A nursery....of course =)

A pretty mudroom that leads out to this...

A girl can dream right? =)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Feeling Homesick

Every year as we cross into September I get a little lump in my throat.  For me, there is nothing more beautiful than Michigan in the fall. The colors, the smells, the cool invigorating air. I've been gone for about 9 years now and I can still close my eyes and see my favorite places clearly and smell the damp cold dirt. For anyone who has never visited Michigan I encourage you to save your pennies and head north for you next vacation. There is something for everyone there. Small towns to explore, constant festivals of all sorts, some of the finest wineries, water everywhere.  I could go on and on listing all of the wonderful things Michigan has to offer. Tonight I want to focus on one of the things I miss the most. Barns. Yup. I miss them terribly.  They are beautiful and it breaks my heart every time I hear of someone tearing down an old historic barn. They just don't make them like that anymore and I think they should try and save as many as possible.  I used to take my books up into the hayloft and read for hours; tucked into the hay with a few barn kittens. The sweet smell of horse grain permeating the air. I would even take my trumpet up there and practice for hours. I loved opening the window and looking out over the fields. Especially the wheat. The golden rods blowing gently in the breeze.  You can't help but feel completely relaxed when you're looking out over this:

Here are a few pictures of barns I've collected over the years. I hope you find them as relaxing and beautiful as I do.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Letting God Take Control

"Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life." ~ Nancye Sims

I recently stumbled across this quote and it really resonated with me.  Precisely because I have been living both in the past and the future simultaneously while drifting through my present days. I had hopes and dreams just like anyone else. I had a "life plan" when I was in high school. I was an over-achieving perfectionist who thought she knew exactly how her life was going to play out. Oh you silly naive little girl. I was going to join  the Air Force, obtain a college degree, be married, and have 3 children by the time I was 30. Well, none of that worked how I had hoped. Have I mentioned that I'm also a control freak? Yeah. Just a bit. So I don't understand how I let so many other people control my life for so long. 

I gave up. I quit my own life. I did what others asked. I tried to please those around me. I gave up my dreams, hobbies, friends.  Depression set in and swallowed me whole. I knew I had to do something drastic so I started a new, fresh life. Problem is- I still lingered in my past. Constantly thinking, "wish I'd done this, wish I'd been stronger, wish I'd done that".  If I'm not visiting my past I'm waiting for my future. My thoughts turn to, "when I'm done with school we'll be able to do this and that...I'll have a real life. I'll be happy then".

Then I realize that I'm 31. I have no idea how that happened. I swear I blinked and lost an entire decade!  I think about how old I'll be when I finally graduate, find a job, buy a house, start a family. Then - anxiety sets in and I start thinking about how if I'd only done this and that ten years ago. Ugh. It's exhausting.

I'm pretty sure God has been shedding tears over this lost girl. I tried to control my life and lost control. I tried to plan and dictate my life and nothing went my way. I'm convinced God thought, "Wow! This girl is stubborn and seriously doesn't listen. How can I get through to her?"  Well, He did. I think a cancer diagnosis was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Some people realize they have to live each day to the fullest. Others (ehem...me) need a hardcore reminder that our next day is not guaranteed. I was given a poor prognosis and no doctors seemed to be able (or willing) to help. I was staring death in the face. I tried getting appointments at certain facilities or with certain doctors all across this country. Nothing was working.  I finally gave up control. I started praying for God to just take over. Send me where you need me. He found me someone 30 minutes away.  God is good. Life is good.

I need to remember that God has a life planned for me far greater than I could dream up for myself. I'm going to enjoy my days. Do something that makes me smile everyday. Try new foods, new adventures. I need to stop bemoaning my past. It is what it is. It's made me who I am today and I'm okay with that. So, this post is really just me purging. I'm letting it out, taking a deep breath, relinquishing control, and tomorrow I'm going to love with all my heart and laugh about something silly. Bring it on God- I'm listening and ready for my adventure. :)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

My name is Rebecca and I am a book addict.

My love affair with books started at an early age. I loved escaping into other worlds. I would completely lose myself in the pages. I would imagine what it was like to be the size of Thumbelina and live in her world.

Or I would imagine living in a tree with Mr. Fox and his family. 

When I'm reading a great book I will actually think about it throughout the day when I'm not reading. Does anyone else do this or am I a bit crazy? I mean ... I know I'm a little off my rocker...but is this normal? Even just a teensy bit?  When I got sucked into the Harry Potter series (yeah, I admit it) I would actually find myself wondering what Harry was up to. Yeah, saying that out loud makes me realize just how crazy it sounds. Oh well.

I absolutely adore the illustrations in vintage children's books. I can't wait to have children and fill their bookshelves and walls with some of these beauties. These were a few of my favorites growing up.

It's not just the stories that I love though. I love beautifully made books. I love feeling different papers used for the pages. One of the first things I will do is take the dustcover off to see what the book cover and binding look like. For my birthday, Jay bought me two books I've been lusting after. They are from the Penguin Classics Collection. He said more are to come. This is to start my collection. I love him..

Aren't they purdy? =)